Rain

Today don't get better, I though it will be easy for me.
Yesterday..Nope,This early morning *after 12 am.The sky started to rain.
I didn't on air corn cause I feel so cold,my palm are icy feel plus the cold sweat.
I know...
I'm not physically sick,suppose to say its mentally sick,I had depression.
Thing don't fix even i tried very hard,it is so cruel to me,that i have to accept the facts.
''THIS IS LIFE!!'' I told myself again and again.
When i expecting someone be there for me,I just couldn't find anyone I can rely on.Not I don't trust my friend,I just don't want to burden them. I tell myself,I can handle this,cause I want to be strong.
As the sky falls rain non-stop,it should be the best time for a good night sleep,I force myself to get into sleep and dream,so I could feel better when i woke up.I cried till I see the mirror my lips turn cracks ,very dry. My eye turn pink and swollen.The only thing extra on my face is the tears.
I had insomnia,I tell myself not to think about it anymore,I hold a novel that my good friend gave as a present,I read till page 103,then i stop , look at the small clock on my shelf , its already 630am. So,i decided to close the book and go to a sleep.
I woke up 2 hour later,insane isn't? I don't want this! But its happen!!
The only thing i realise,my pillow are still slightly wet,my face has the tears stain that already dry.I go down,look around,there is no one there,then i walk up again,I sit on my chair,dreaming for some time. Then,i feel like blogging,I don't share with people what happen to me,but at least I write something on it,There is 1% of release...
Everything is ended.
I should start a new life. * again ...again ...again...

Hard Day

My heart beat faster and faster that i couldn't imagine,like just injected an adrenaline.
its so difficult for me,gasping for air ,inhale stongly and exhale forcely.I need an oxygen mask.
I felt my heart are so in pain right now,like a knife stabbing on it.I need IM Pethidine.
My blood flow through my whole body,suppose to feel warm but I feel Cold,very cold.I need a warmer or someone who willing to share their warm with me.
I swallow a little bit but i feel burning through my esophagus.I need an ice cube.
My tears flow just like a river,I know why but I won't share.
I just feel that i couldn't breath properly ,
my mind full of nonsense right now.
I've been thinking a lot recently.
Having Insomnia,I need Morphine...
I tried my best to laugh as loud as i can when Im with my friend,So they won't notice.
Im just being annoying all the time that i couldn't stand and hold myself.
I don't know how to express my feeling.
Im feeling so down,down,down.
I don't want to be emotional,Hopes tomorrow will be better.

Old friend of Mine.. =)

See this picture? This taken when we are only 11 year old...
Can you guess,who is who?
What happen in this 10 year?!
Ta DAH~ *i know is lame..lol

She pointed to the area .....to......
Ans: Toilet!!
I capture this cause i think its unique at the same time,its cute!

I think,it is just nice the top for mei yan..I choose de!!it really look very sweet~ I wanted to get it for her,but unfortunate,Im broke this month...

See!! Am I right?! =D
Before the shopping started,mei yan pick me up at 12pm,then we heading to I.O.I~

Decide to have our brunch at ''Wong Kok ,hk restaurant.''...and shwu Jiun pick this~~

Mei Yan Pick this....

Then we went to shop at Daiso~ I just love this RM5 shop,because its cheap, plus from JAPAN!!

I can't forget the sweet time last 2 year,went to JAPAN with family...Its really fun!! Fun !! fun!!

I wish i can go another trip... Next Target~ either SABAH or Bali!! Must save money already~~

Er...I guess,im out of topic now,btw... Friendship forever!! I LOVE U GIRLS!! truely friend!! muakssss!!

I miss my long hair... =(

Few month back, I have a very long dark black curly hair till my waist . Its does look quite nice if i really taking care of it.My long hair fall terribly when I facing my management semester,the exam and stress.I cried almost every night that period of time.So,I did mention to my friend that i wanted to cut it off since I lost so much hair and to prevent it looks very obvious. One of my friend,telling I will not want to cut my hair short.I felt challenged.Oh..okay~ Then,I went to a salon and tell,: ''cut away as long you think there is something better than this.'' Then the UNCLE told me to forget bout my curl and he will get me a new hair style. Since he is a professional,so I've given my trust to him.. bout an hour later,i realise he cut shorter and shorter,step by step. I look at the mirror every cut he took. He told me not to worry and i will accept it few day later and I'll love it. Now,when i think back. Look at the mirror,I have my original waves hair like AUNTIE!! I feel regret,and i miss it so much.What i can do? Just wait it to grow back lo... Now I'm doing Shampoo-ing everyday+ apply Hair Tonic+Vitamin oil for apply+vitamin for hair grow. Although,my ''botak'' didn't grow back,but my hair grow fast.. I guess..hehe..

Pui yan & I

Before I cut my hair...*this picture took before we girl went to M.O.S(july)
Then i cut my hair on 18.07.09

Ta Dah!

3 month later...

Still my ''botak'' so obvious... ='(

This picture took by Vivienne without my notice at station one after my birthday party.. =D

I wish my hair will grow back faster.. I can't wait to re bond it again.. =p
Before that,make sure my ''botak'' grow back 1st.. =D

muaks~

''Yum Cha''

Its been some time,I don't really spend my time with my friend for yum cha,because lazy,busy and tired due to study and posting.. =( On 23rd,randomly chatting with alvina on msn..then suddenly feel like go yum cha,then ajak my girl friend lo~

Now only realise,its really very long didn't go yum cha already...
730pm,i go out from my house heading to Gwynne house 1st..reach there by 810pm due to traffic jam at the Hicom area..then pick up alvina and we go taipan,Old Town Kopitiam... =D

she feel so happy finally can eat!

~Alvina~

3 of us.. =D where is another one?!
Ans: Miri

Then,Gywnne say feel like eating tong sui,then we go 2nd time supper!!

who say she is not CUTE?! I'll remove their eye...

My favourite , ice+peanut+sweet corn+milk

Longan+Hoi dai ye

Then later, Fetch them back lo..and i go visit Alvina's pet.. =D

This is Sexy,where is Jojo?!
Ans: Sleeping + picture not clear

The Sweet one
~Princess~

The noisy one~ Prince

The End!! =D

More Than Words

Saying I love you
Is not the words I want to hear from you
It's not that I want you
Not to say, but if you only knew
How easy it would be to show me how you feel
More than words is all you have to do to make it real
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feelThat your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words
Now I've tried to talk to you and make you understand
All you have to do is close your eyes
And just reach out your hands and touch me
Hold me close don't ever let me go
More than words is all I ever needed you to show
Then you wouldn't have to say that you love me
Cos I'd already know
What would you do if my heart was torn in two
More than words to show you feel
That your love for me is real
What would you say if I took those words away
Then you couldn't make things new
Just by saying I love you
More than words

Miserable Day!!

I was posted to Hospital Kajang this 2 week , starting was still okay,I'm adapting and accepting the fact that i have to wake up at 530am every morning,get out from my house to my classmate hostel and reach there before 615am,wait for the stupid bus then reach hospital by 7am. Today,I woke up at 430am because chocolate vomited due to too much eating yesterday,then I have to clean up lo.. Sleep back , wake up again at 530pm,try to lie longer but it is so difficult still I have to wake up right?

Everyday I only get to finish my work after passing report to the staff nurses,that time will be around 230pm. (*morning shift: 7am-2pm.) Well,as u know,working in a government hospital is just like working in the hell.Take report,check DDA,check emergency trolley,do observation,serve diet,serve medication,do nursing care on patient,help patient around,assist doctor,running around the ward,(*not running,but walking fast),write report and more that I can't remember. I don't blame anyone because this is what i choose,my future will be going on like this and will becoming worst after i graduate.*luckily,I'm still a student. No kidding,sometime we don't even have time for our 5 minute break!! That's pretty fine,I take it as diet lo~ Today!!Don't ever mention today!! I don't know what the hell is going on,it is so miserable~

As a team leader,I divide the job to my classmate,and everything going on fluenc and well like a river beautifully*that is what in my mind now that i can describe. Then,pass report to the afternoon shift staff nurse and ended by 22opm,*early than usual 10 minute,this can make me fly happily... *you see,I'm happy go lucky. Then,the terrible thing happen! When we reach to the stupid Mini Bus which actually only can take 28 student,got to stuck in 36 student some more,*stupid bus management!!junior came and told us,get prepare to wait till 3pm because there is one of the junior got needle prick, some more after she injected medication on a HIV patient need to go for blood test and see doctor. *I'm pretty KESIAN her,trying to be understanding,okay.I went and buy some CUCUK PISANG,and wait patiently with my others friend and junior,*wait wait wait,is already 315pm.

Well then,I can't wait any longer,so i decided to ask from a junior for the INDIA mari punya clinical instructor for her hp number,and i call her. She say she is on the way. Good job! The sky started to be darken and rain!!! Oh my...my mouth feel like puking some F language,but i didn't. (*Lol). Then we waited till 345pm, they finally call back and ask the pass to make another big round so will reach in front of the hospital ,easier for them because its heavy raining... okay lo,the but make a big round and picked them up.Then finally,i thought,yes!! i can finally go home. WTH,suddenly on the way back about 3km from hospital,one of our junior complain of shortness of breath,*she has asthma ,never bring her MDI along,then she fainted. Arhh!! that is because of waiting under the hot sun,which the stupid bus have no air corn,only window,plus is raining out there,they close all the window,no ventilation,and she have not enough of oxygen supply ,therefore she got asthma attack. I was like,*please la!! Not i don't want to kesian you,but you know you got asthma,bring la your MEDICATION!! some more,you are a becoming nurses,like that also can ar?!! but i never shout out la,just sitting there trying to calm myself because there is so many others surrounding her,I can't do anything,yet I think if i went to her,not helping,isn't? there is 35 of others can help.. =p

Then,the bus have to turn back to the hospital and sent her to the emergency unit. 2 male student carry her like... I don't know how to describe,but I told them to do 3 man lift.*one of the method to carry patient. You all learn that on year 1 sem 2,don't tell me,you don't know how to apply on it lo!! (*wawawa... I'm not insulting them or what,not saying I'm good.Never mean anything to critics on people,just that you are a nurse,dealing with life now,this is what you do when there is emergency?). Then,wait again lo~ what some more?! I went down to the bus accompany with my friend to the toilet because my bladder is going to burst if i don't go pee... *Lol!! With heavy rain,of course my whole body wet. In my mind was like,I wish i could fall sick,so I don't need to come for tomorrow,but it just a thinking.. Sigh~sigh~sigh~Finally,everything is settle,the girl stay in the emergency ward and we go back. The time already 420pm. I reach to mentari around 50pm then home by 530pm...

That's only I can scream,''WHAT A MISERABLE Day!!'' .I hope the junior who got needle prick don't get HIV,I hope the junior who fainted get well soon and I hope I don't meet this kind of day anymore!! I woke up 530am reach home 530pm,12 hour....what the hell DAY!!

*oh god...please,please,please,give me a good night sleep tonight..

New moon is coming soon!!

New moon!!

I knew we were both in mortal danger.

Still,in that instant,I felt well.Whole.

I could feel my heart racing in my chest,

the blood pulsing hot and fast through my veins again.

My lungs filled deep with the sweet scent that came off his skin.

It was like there had never been any hole in my chest.

I was perfect-not healed,but as if there had never been a wound in the first place.

Thanks to Wendy Yap, Gwynne Kong,Kylie and Alex for present me such a wonderful book. It started when i watch the movie ''Twilight'' , and hear the stories from Sara and Wendy Yap and I started to felt in love to this.I really appreciate to them for helping me improve my English,though..still very embarrassing,my grammar mistake is terrible!! I can't wait for the NEW MOON on 20.11.09! But there is always the different book and movie. Still,I prefer the book. =) Once again,thank you!! I love you guys!! You all gave me a wonderful celebration on last saturday(17.10.09) !! Teehehee...

muaks!

A new beginning... =.=

I have no idea ,its been how many time I'm telling myself,I wanna start a new life.

This time,I'm taking a new start for myself,for everyone I love and care.

It's really appreciate with what i have now, friend and family who love and supporting me always.Nothing else I can ask for,because I know what I had already extra for me,and I'm happy and appreciate with what I had.

Why the sentence came out from u also ''somebody'' ? ''Well,this is life u know?''. I should shout back or say something? ''I KNOW! OKAY? ''. So should I deserve in the threat like this? I don't hope for something from u,but can u at least appreciate what I've done all this time? I'm getting fed up for ''u'' for keep scolding me bad words,telling me what to do,like everything that I've done are wrong,so wrong !!

I'm getting frustrated,with my care for ''u'' so much,because u are someone so special in my life,my best friend. I am not angry with what u've done,but I wanted to let u know,I'm conscious with what I'm doing at the same time,pls stop telling me what to do. Pls just let me be myself.I would like to use my own personality to live like what I am. May be,''u'' started a new life there,with ur new friend and everything , u seem getting far away from ours group,still we love and miss you very much.

Therefore,I would like to take my chance her,starting from now onwards,change my bad behaviour and learn to be ''good people''.. Yet,I think 21st is still young.. (*lol),there is so much more thing waiting for me to do... I'll priority important task first.. =) I hope my goal will reach before next year birthday.. hehe..

muaks!

Money! Duit ! $$$ !

I'm sure everyone is desperately wanting $$$ so much,just like I do,This month,so much money I've spent,I went Miri ,come back,ppl's birthday present,Chocolate's grooming and threats,phone bill.(*I'm calling maxis num so many time!) , buying clothes and dress , make up and comics..what else? I can't afford anymore!! Help me!! Well,actually I'm quite good in managing money,is just all that is my ''need'',''compulsory item'' ,''a must''.. Therefore i spend so much. Now I don't mind telling people, I'm poor, I left RM 25.69 only in my ATM card!! (* No Kidding). You know what people call it? ''POK KAI'' (fall on street) la!! For the above financial condition,I seriously think i need to work for part time!! Next month I'll do it.Hopefully I'm able to make it! I think i should control not to disturb my lovely friend especially Gwynne Kong , So I'm able to save a lot of money!! Money Money Money!! Insane la me!!*copy from web

Finally!!

Finally chocolate took some of his biscuit,I'm so worry.
Yeah! Alvina is bringing her uncle's puppy on this Saturday~ Black colour toy poodle name Cloy! hehe... Chocolate has another friends! =D
Can't wait for this coming Saturday,thought is not my actual Birth day , but still I'm excited to celebrate my last last party!! Thanks to my Daddy,who always support me but at the same time cutting my pocket money to rm100 a month,I'm contribute for the party too.. =( So calculate...Grhh! NEVER MIND! I'll take part time next month onwards! Thanks to my mummy too who mumbling a lot ,complaining I'm using too much money,I'm troublesome...bla bla bla.. (* flies flying... ) ,still helping me to get drink for the party..=D
Many of my friend is asking what i want for my birthday,actually ler.. I will love much with pressie which sincerely pick and choose by my beloved friend,I don't mind anything...EXCEPT toy!! Please...I'm 21st already,who wanna hug a toy and sleep? I already had my Chocolate..hehe..
Thanks for who ever coming...I can't wait to see you guys!!

muaks!

Arhhh!!!

I woke up early morning, couldn't sleep well now a days, guess there is some changes in my appetite too,I don't obsesses with food now,not trying to diet or something. It just be ''like that''. Maybe due to last week night shift, change my daily routine,so I became like these. I'm suppose to wake up by 10am..hehe.. still i couldn't sleep well,so i decided to switch on my computer,do some typing,like what im doing now. I know my grammar mistake are so terribly,but I'll learn.. (*Excuses). Last night chocolate vomited,guess is my this stupid owner fault,I shouldn't feed him chicken,but he really do like it. (*well,all dogs love food) Teehee... He can't finish his meal now a days,I'm really worry...This Friday or Saturday I'll bring him for grooming..Nail are long...Don't want him to scratch all my friend and family... LOL!! Yesterday Noon shift are DAMN BORING!! Feel like I'm the trash doing nothing,just tested Mothers urine all day long?! Grhh!! Wasting my time,learning nothing,kill me only la...At least Post-natal ward not so bad, interact with patient and do some ''NURSES'' work.(*Eish...) OK,going to play my face book again...(*Forever) Bye!!

With Muaks, xoxo

The Busy Body

Name : Chocolate
Reason Given Name : Its colour (all mummy's idea)
Sex :DOG
Age: 7 month

This is the picture of chocolate on his back view...
He is looking outside view when I'm driving,
So Busy Body....
I see from this picture, it seem he grew up a lot a lot...
Lets check out ,

This is 1st day when I bring him home... =D

-May-

-June-

-July-

-August-

The lion...

Street Dog...

after 5 hour .......

-September-

-October-

See...grow up alot ler..hehe.. =)

with muaks .. =o

Slumburrr...

I slumblur want to start a blog...
I slumblur want to spend my time...
I slumblur want to write something...
Im so slumblur.... =.=