Letting Go

I read this post from a blogger and I really love the post and I would like to share with my friend who read my blog.=) It is definitely speaks for how I'm feeling.

To let go is not to forget, not think about or ignore. It does not leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regrets.

Letting go is not about winning or losing. It is not about pride or about how you appear. It is not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go is not blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and does not leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It is not giving in nor giving up.

Letting go is not about loss and it is not about defeat.

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and to move on. It is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, cry and grow.

It is about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you soon will gain. It is about the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is realizing your heart can be the most patient remedy.

To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free.

408 Days

For the 1st and the last time I calculate the days we been through .
No doubt I miss you dearly. It is just a simple thought in my mind .
No matter how things turn badly between us , I believe time can really help.
You , Take good care of yourself .
I'll be always be there for you when you need me.
Even how selfish you are,still you are who I know from the beginning.
Huge eye with obvious wrinkles, wide forehead , silly smile and cheerful laugh and a habits of pealing your thumb skin on your right hand.

-Me ,stay strong and tough for '365'-

Frustration

I am highly frustrated with myself for not being able manage to bare with the pain of my lost and I am depressed with the imperfection of my thumb for not being able to be like NORMAL that I used to be anymore.

The stress that I've put on myself with perfection in work also driving me crazy on and off ,working with some people is really putting me on fire which I know at the end of the day I can't blame and expect them to be like me.

I clearly knowing myself that I am a workaholic which I never allow to let others to pamper me when I am able to finish my job scope within my ability. I demand and ridiculously insane hope which I desperately wanted to have more hands like an octopus to complete my work in within a short period of time. People might not understand why I had the frustration inside me which they do not consider that we nurses got to be multitask and multipurpose in many way. People now are spoilt for choice, more affluent , want value for money ,want fast and efficient service , higher expectations , more aware of rights , more fussy and demanding ,more educated and well informed. How can we able to make them or us as a customer to be considerate in many aspect?

I am not desperate for the income or even bother much about the low salary because I believe working a job which I love and satisfaction are really important . I am a person like these.How do I form a team which helpful and having a good and efficient team work?

I am frustrated with myself not able to cope with the work stress which not only need to deal with patient also Doctors , colleague , staff from many department, patient's relatives and many more.All these can be easily affected me when it came to be wrong or mistake in documentation, passing over, verbal order , supply , timing, route , where , when , why , who ,  queries from people and work ethics from others staff. A friend of mine told I am a perfectionist. In other way, I am quite flexible with many things. I doubt to agree what she told.Can I be corrected and choose to accept the fact and true me?

Is either I am stubborn , ego , or I would just say all this make me who I am. It is just I am who I am. =/

I wish I could have more time , not me chasing over time nor time chasing over me.

Worth or not . I think yes is my answer and don't question me why because it is just like that. I am sorry for putting my friend and family in worried. Can't wait till a day I am able to be more independent and wish I were not letting them to worry for me anymore. I apologize . 

I am please with this song and really deep in love with the lyric and voice. Share with people who interested yeah. =) 

Cheers! 

  Yesterday woke up at the wrong side of bed, shit. Can't sleep well , my relatives around and noises from people walking in and out .Felt so sleepy and drowsy, who cares. I went out with Stephen for breakfast and then picked up Gwynne for shopping after so long we have not been hanging around. Alvina's exam is around,I think shouldn't disturb her till she is free for me. =) I do enjoy walking at the Bazaar at the curve which I've not been there for quite some time , last time always go there with either Alvina, Gwynne or Bobby .Really missing it a lot, I'm afraid we don't have the chance to gather again like we use to be. Everyone seem to start with their life planning and all and me is leaving soon. Feel sad :'(

 We manage to capture some picture , so much fun!

Gwynne told I look like ''Kampung girl'' and she can't take it . Lol.  
Come on, it is only a wig ~ Don't ever think about me getting this hair cut! Hell no. 

* Me as well okay..shut up and stop laughing!! =p

 Always ours favourite, Kenny Roger's and the EXTRA gravy!! hehe...

I love the potatoes~~ yummy! 

  Unexpectedly, I didn't manage to rest even though I came back from outing with Gwynne , then woke up from a bad nap and slept by 2am. According to the schedule, I should do Double shift today but then cancel because I don't think I am fit to work for another extra 7 hours since I've not rest well for the past few day even my rest day is on yesterday and having a bad headache and feeling nausea is really sucks. What is really turn my my mood off, can't expect anyone in my family member can pick me up from work so they ask me to take a cab and go back home. Luckily one of my colleague is staying at Klang is kind enough to drop me at the guard house. Then walk home in 10 minute under the bloody hot sun and I though it would be great if I manage to cook Korea noodle + half boiled egg + luncheon meat = Great brunch once I get home, since I've only taken oatmeal drink mix by my mom from morning. So now, there comes the terrible accident , I took out the frozen luncheon meat from freezer and took a butcher knife and start CHOPPING the meat, there goes when someone is unwell and conscious level dropping , quarter of my thumb gone case! Literally. Damn!! WTH. 

  Okay , lets rewind back ,pause for the 2 second. Yeah , I was stunned *dumb ass . I shouted like hell ,tears out uncontrollably and there goes my blood flowed like slow running water pipe, Damn! I was fast enough to catch my blood with the basin beside me. Quickly place my thumb and run under the water and scream for my brother. Mean while, I give myself a immediate pressure to stop the bleed.

  He is shock when he saw the scence and was like, ''what happened? '' , '' call ambulance?'' ,'' we have no transport,how?'',''where to get ambulance number?'' . Then I shout : ''take the plastic bag!'' ,''take ice!'' ,''place the ice into the plastic bag'' ,then he replied with shivering voices : '' where is the ice?! '' Then I was like thinking in my heart and almost about to shout back and told him :'' WTH!! fridge!! don't tell me you don't know.'' luckily he is fast enough to calm down and took the ice automatically from the freezer. Lol even I'm writing now. Recall the incident is so funny and mess up. First time I saw my COOL and CALM brother cannot control his nerve, nervous till the max like I am going to die anytime soon. *Cut short the story in between how manage to get people and all . My mom's friend aunty Ammie reach on time and bring me to the near by clinic and I receive ATT and did an emergency dressing .I ask Dr not to give me another injection of pain killer which I don't like to be inject twice and yeah , stubborn me think I am a heroine who can bear with the WTF pain.Keke.. *Not proud to tell but just find myself quite bearable. lol . Nothing I can do with my LOST piece of flesh and quarter of my thumb and nail. I ask the clinic nurse to dispose my flesh and the handkerchief which full of blood . It is not necessary to presume it since It can actually make my mom faint once she saw that. I try to control my tears, but it is so painful that I can't even bare with the pain compared while the time I did tatoo till bleed on my ''thinner'' skin . Yeah , shameful. *Sigh. 

  There goes Dr clean my wound with alcohol and wrap with acriflavin then cover with gauze and did a pressure dressing... Tadah!! I ask her to prescribe me antibiotic since I'm afraid I got infected and have to go through with the fever and weakness, spare me with all these which put me in risk and will affect my work. I am so sad that my parents is not around and worried I might not have back a NORMAL thumb and affect my performance in working. Luckily no bones involved, just super deep gone case with quarter of my flesh and end up I have to accept the impair of myself. No worries, everything will be fine , worse come to worst go do plastic surgery lo!! hahaha!!  Thank you for my brother and friend who advise and try hard to cheer me up when I deeply in pain and depress with the whole accident. Sorry that I've make my family worried about me. Thankful I am a nurse that I know how to manage when comes to emergency incident ,especially to myself. I can take care of myself. =)

 I am worried that I am not able to cook due to phobia with knife. =(

 Ponstan to help stop bleeding and it is a strong oral tablet to ease unbearable pain like menses pain and others factor , another one is the antibiotic that I asked Dr to prescribe for me to prevent from getting infection. Lol!! 10 Day courses!! Arghh...sien. =.=

Hope I am manage to feed myself with lots of protein and heal before my cousin and relatives come in 2~3 weeks time. Pray hard for me!! I need to take rest now. =) Night peeps! Happy Belated Halloween Day~ Its really a GREAT day. haha!

With love,
-Michelle-
Happy 1st November~ xoxo