Letting Go

I read this post from a blogger and I really love the post and I would like to share with my friend who read my blog.=) It is definitely speaks for how I'm feeling.

To let go is not to forget, not think about or ignore. It does not leave feelings of anger, jealousy or regrets.

Letting go is not about winning or losing. It is not about pride or about how you appear. It is not obsessing or dwelling on the past.

Letting go is not blocking memories or thinking sad thoughts and does not leave emptiness, hurt or sadness. It is not giving in nor giving up.

Letting go is not about loss and it is not about defeat.

To let go is to cherish memories, to overcome and to move on. It is learning, experiencing, and growing. To let go is to be thankful for the experiences that made you laugh, cry and grow.

It is about all that you have, all that you had, and all that you soon will gain. It is about the courage to accept change and the strength to keep moving. Letting go is realizing your heart can be the most patient remedy.

To let go is to open a door, clear a path and set yourself free.

408 Days

For the 1st and the last time I calculate the days we been through .
No doubt I miss you dearly. It is just a simple thought in my mind .
No matter how things turn badly between us , I believe time can really help.
You , Take good care of yourself .
I'll be always be there for you when you need me.
Even how selfish you are,still you are who I know from the beginning.
Huge eye with obvious wrinkles, wide forehead , silly smile and cheerful laugh and a habits of pealing your thumb skin on your right hand.

-Me ,stay strong and tough for '365'-

Frustration

I am highly frustrated with myself for not being able manage to bare with the pain of my lost and I am depressed with the imperfection of my thumb for not being able to be like NORMAL that I used to be anymore.

The stress that I've put on myself with perfection in work also driving me crazy on and off ,working with some people is really putting me on fire which I know at the end of the day I can't blame and expect them to be like me.

I clearly knowing myself that I am a workaholic which I never allow to let others to pamper me when I am able to finish my job scope within my ability. I demand and ridiculously insane hope which I desperately wanted to have more hands like an octopus to complete my work in within a short period of time. People might not understand why I had the frustration inside me which they do not consider that we nurses got to be multitask and multipurpose in many way. People now are spoilt for choice, more affluent , want value for money ,want fast and efficient service , higher expectations , more aware of rights , more fussy and demanding ,more educated and well informed. How can we able to make them or us as a customer to be considerate in many aspect?

I am not desperate for the income or even bother much about the low salary because I believe working a job which I love and satisfaction are really important . I am a person like these.How do I form a team which helpful and having a good and efficient team work?

I am frustrated with myself not able to cope with the work stress which not only need to deal with patient also Doctors , colleague , staff from many department, patient's relatives and many more.All these can be easily affected me when it came to be wrong or mistake in documentation, passing over, verbal order , supply , timing, route , where , when , why , who ,  queries from people and work ethics from others staff. A friend of mine told I am a perfectionist. In other way, I am quite flexible with many things. I doubt to agree what she told.Can I be corrected and choose to accept the fact and true me?

Is either I am stubborn , ego , or I would just say all this make me who I am. It is just I am who I am. =/

I wish I could have more time , not me chasing over time nor time chasing over me.

Worth or not . I think yes is my answer and don't question me why because it is just like that. I am sorry for putting my friend and family in worried. Can't wait till a day I am able to be more independent and wish I were not letting them to worry for me anymore. I apologize . 

I am please with this song and really deep in love with the lyric and voice. Share with people who interested yeah. =) 

Cheers! 

  Yesterday woke up at the wrong side of bed, shit. Can't sleep well , my relatives around and noises from people walking in and out .Felt so sleepy and drowsy, who cares. I went out with Stephen for breakfast and then picked up Gwynne for shopping after so long we have not been hanging around. Alvina's exam is around,I think shouldn't disturb her till she is free for me. =) I do enjoy walking at the Bazaar at the curve which I've not been there for quite some time , last time always go there with either Alvina, Gwynne or Bobby .Really missing it a lot, I'm afraid we don't have the chance to gather again like we use to be. Everyone seem to start with their life planning and all and me is leaving soon. Feel sad :'(

 We manage to capture some picture , so much fun!

Gwynne told I look like ''Kampung girl'' and she can't take it . Lol.  
Come on, it is only a wig ~ Don't ever think about me getting this hair cut! Hell no. 

* Me as well okay..shut up and stop laughing!! =p

 Always ours favourite, Kenny Roger's and the EXTRA gravy!! hehe...

I love the potatoes~~ yummy! 

  Unexpectedly, I didn't manage to rest even though I came back from outing with Gwynne , then woke up from a bad nap and slept by 2am. According to the schedule, I should do Double shift today but then cancel because I don't think I am fit to work for another extra 7 hours since I've not rest well for the past few day even my rest day is on yesterday and having a bad headache and feeling nausea is really sucks. What is really turn my my mood off, can't expect anyone in my family member can pick me up from work so they ask me to take a cab and go back home. Luckily one of my colleague is staying at Klang is kind enough to drop me at the guard house. Then walk home in 10 minute under the bloody hot sun and I though it would be great if I manage to cook Korea noodle + half boiled egg + luncheon meat = Great brunch once I get home, since I've only taken oatmeal drink mix by my mom from morning. So now, there comes the terrible accident , I took out the frozen luncheon meat from freezer and took a butcher knife and start CHOPPING the meat, there goes when someone is unwell and conscious level dropping , quarter of my thumb gone case! Literally. Damn!! WTH. 

  Okay , lets rewind back ,pause for the 2 second. Yeah , I was stunned *dumb ass . I shouted like hell ,tears out uncontrollably and there goes my blood flowed like slow running water pipe, Damn! I was fast enough to catch my blood with the basin beside me. Quickly place my thumb and run under the water and scream for my brother. Mean while, I give myself a immediate pressure to stop the bleed.

  He is shock when he saw the scence and was like, ''what happened? '' , '' call ambulance?'' ,'' we have no transport,how?'',''where to get ambulance number?'' . Then I shout : ''take the plastic bag!'' ,''take ice!'' ,''place the ice into the plastic bag'' ,then he replied with shivering voices : '' where is the ice?! '' Then I was like thinking in my heart and almost about to shout back and told him :'' WTH!! fridge!! don't tell me you don't know.'' luckily he is fast enough to calm down and took the ice automatically from the freezer. Lol even I'm writing now. Recall the incident is so funny and mess up. First time I saw my COOL and CALM brother cannot control his nerve, nervous till the max like I am going to die anytime soon. *Cut short the story in between how manage to get people and all . My mom's friend aunty Ammie reach on time and bring me to the near by clinic and I receive ATT and did an emergency dressing .I ask Dr not to give me another injection of pain killer which I don't like to be inject twice and yeah , stubborn me think I am a heroine who can bear with the WTF pain.Keke.. *Not proud to tell but just find myself quite bearable. lol . Nothing I can do with my LOST piece of flesh and quarter of my thumb and nail. I ask the clinic nurse to dispose my flesh and the handkerchief which full of blood . It is not necessary to presume it since It can actually make my mom faint once she saw that. I try to control my tears, but it is so painful that I can't even bare with the pain compared while the time I did tatoo till bleed on my ''thinner'' skin . Yeah , shameful. *Sigh. 

  There goes Dr clean my wound with alcohol and wrap with acriflavin then cover with gauze and did a pressure dressing... Tadah!! I ask her to prescribe me antibiotic since I'm afraid I got infected and have to go through with the fever and weakness, spare me with all these which put me in risk and will affect my work. I am so sad that my parents is not around and worried I might not have back a NORMAL thumb and affect my performance in working. Luckily no bones involved, just super deep gone case with quarter of my flesh and end up I have to accept the impair of myself. No worries, everything will be fine , worse come to worst go do plastic surgery lo!! hahaha!!  Thank you for my brother and friend who advise and try hard to cheer me up when I deeply in pain and depress with the whole accident. Sorry that I've make my family worried about me. Thankful I am a nurse that I know how to manage when comes to emergency incident ,especially to myself. I can take care of myself. =)

 I am worried that I am not able to cook due to phobia with knife. =(

 Ponstan to help stop bleeding and it is a strong oral tablet to ease unbearable pain like menses pain and others factor , another one is the antibiotic that I asked Dr to prescribe for me to prevent from getting infection. Lol!! 10 Day courses!! Arghh...sien. =.=

Hope I am manage to feed myself with lots of protein and heal before my cousin and relatives come in 2~3 weeks time. Pray hard for me!! I need to take rest now. =) Night peeps! Happy Belated Halloween Day~ Its really a GREAT day. haha!

With love,
-Michelle-
Happy 1st November~ xoxo

Me and October

SO TRUE, you will never know what is going to happen for the next second or minute. Even if you are asleep or you are sitting at the toilet bowl in the toilet. Some unexpected things will just appears and caught your attention, this happened to me for the past two days. I am glad and I would tell I've made myself occupied enough to not even have time to iron my clothes and read my favourite books or even catch up with my dear friends. Uncertainty, it have not ever disappears from my mind even a second. I can't imagine what and where I will be the next day ,month or next year.

Nonetheless, I am happy for my decision to further my career in Singapore soon and pathetic to tell there is really no reason I should doubt my decision. I am sorry. I regret for once in my life had make ''tracking'' to someone who I think I can't afford to lost it and Cherish like a gold, lost my opportunities which I can actually step early in to a foreign country.Lastly, I am blinded and thing just don't goes my way like I though it will be. Many people who know me, clearly knowing I am a explorer who love to travel and looking forward to move out from my house. I am such an ASS. I got so many hundred millions reason to stay back but I think is best for me to leave, not only for my own good to become stronger , more independently and mature . Some way, is better for my family as well. I'm sure , we will be closer every each time I came back later. =S

NEVER is a strong word, she told. Yeah, I agree. Even if you ask me to think twice or million times I will still stick with the same bloody answer. Once I had made a decision, I shouldn't look back. Should I tell I'm stubborn or just being selfish? Hrmp, let you decide and let me know.Thank you to my family and friends who support my decision and the moral support from you all had never fail to allow me to do what I like. Yet, till now,I tears in the middle night. I felt I'm blessed. Thanks GOD. Life is up and down as I always told. Whether you can take it and handle it well or not, choice is yours. You choose the right one, yeah you are right. If you choose the wrong one, you just like a piece of glass, need to be fix with SUPER glue. There goes your SUPER glue is all the lucky, love and blessed from others who care and never give up on you, family and friends.Don't give up , no matter how long it takes, you will find your way and one day when you look back and you'll just realise ,you had grown up.

Long story short bah... Other that busy with working like an octopus , I am glad that I make it for my colleague wedding at Tapah yet first time in my life had drove 180km to a unfamiliar places and also attend the an Indian's wedding. Feel like 1Malaysia. haha! Lame. I wish I can attend my good friend Ezzaty's wedding next year which I can't make it for her engagement this year because it crash with my Grandfather 83's birthday. All the relatives and cousin will be around, and as a ''tradision'' Chinese family. Grandchildren shouldn't escape it.There is not many year left for us family to gather like this. I don't want to make any regret anymore.

This year I didn't make any wishes on my birthday because though I did for last 2 year, I went through a sad year wei... WTH. What I can do for these moment, do all the best I can and please the important people who involved in my life. =)
Can't wait for November to come, I will busy occupied myself with work and plan as my cousin and relative is coming. Till then, I'll update myself again.

- Chocolate -

He look so adorable yet innocent after I showered him, my lovely smart boy.

WITH LOVES

Hello again blog, I've put blogging aside since the last post and have been wondering when will I update the blog. I do not like to give excuses but the truth is, I had a very busy weekend and day due to my working schedule, and important tasks that I want to be completed. This period of time isn't easy for me as I tried my best to be physically strong and hope that my body can cope with my mental stress. Friends who know me well, will say that I am a workaholic. I feel sorry for myself. :(

My life has changed so drastically since last year. Couldn't imagine its going to be a year after since the day it started. Today, I view thing differently, as least I think I became stronger , love myself more. Just put it this way , I am no longer so innocent as I use to be. Till today, I see people by my own eyes and will never change my perspective unless I been convince and given prove. Isn't this a little change in
me?

I am blessed. At least when I am down and depressed, I have good friends around me who volunteer their pair of ears and give me their opinions and advices. I'm 22 years and 4 day old, should I convince myself to accept the fact that time has flown really fast that whenever I look back, I will think, "oh, so damn fast!"

I'm pleased that I have family and friends who care and love me. There's nothing more that I can ask for. I know what should be prioritised at this moment and I pray hard that life will bring me more challenges and that I will have the strength to improve myself through the obstacles that I am about to face. Thank you to all of you, and I promise that I will try my best to make you guys proud of me. It's been awhile since I've not posted any picture of mine. Why not share it?!

# Chocolate mint Ice cream cake from Baskin Robin

*Thank you Nisa and beloved Charmaine for this cake,card and flowers. -Hugs-

# Thank you Stephen , Jin tat and especially Andy . : )

# Love my girlfriends so much!

Alvina,Wendy,Stephenie and Gwynne

#Having so much fun spending surprise dinner with them at Daeroe Korea BBQ!

Thank you guys!!!

# Again , another surprise from them after 12 midnight~

I feel so touch and I do not know how to put my word into sentences, it is an unexpected surprise.

# Combination of white and sweet pink roses from somebody who don't like to be revealed. :)

I really love and appreciate the efforts and thoughts you've made.I hope you know.

# The shipping is finally here after 1 month plus! Thanks Erik Moh! Muaks!!

A late birthday present from London and I thought I need to wait for another month.. hehe

#Edwin's Tay

You have no idea, you had impressed me that you never fail to wish me every single year when you started knowing me. Really appreciate the friendship between us! =)

Before I end this post , just wanted to add-on for people who wish me on call, messages,wall . I had a simple dinner yet warm dinner with my beloved family .Thank you very much! T.T
p/s: I also receive a warm gift from Angele , and I promise will take good care of myself. =)

Loves,

Michelle -xoxo-

Turning Point

  The day started with a morning buzz from the phone and I realised someone had left for an interview. So, I left a message and went to the toilet and stoned for awhile till my soul came back to me. I changed and picked up the car keys and went to the nearby hypermarket as planned. Surprise surprise, only one of the coffee shops was opened and there were a few people in uniforms who walked slowly towards the escalator. With my morning mood, I walked like a snail towards the main entrance as the shutter was slowly rising. Yes, I was the first customer of the day. The staff was polite and greeted me. I paid for the groceries and got home by 10.15 a.m., the whole trip took me about 45 minutes.
  Then I spent some time chatting with her and finally did some housework since coming back from a holiday. Time passed really fast as I wished and I noticed that I have not been blogging since the 26th of September. I questioned myself, "What did I do after the last post?" I have been to and back from a short holiday, continued on with my crazy working life with tonnes of workload, I've been going through a period of emotional ups and downs and was challenged both physically and mentally.
  With regard to my family, my dear brother has recently got back from the UK where he studied and his Europe trip. He has been busy with his plans and life challenges too. Recently, his friend passed away due to leukemia and he has been quite upset about it. Somehow, I'm glad that he has such a gentle and polite girlfriend who is support of him. Also, my baby has grown healthy and smarter, and still very much loyal towards me even though I have been busy with my own activities. Dad has been flying in and out of the country due to his job and my mom had confessed to me that I'm such an ass and a terrible daughter who does not open up to my family. Yeah, I will not give her the reason that its due to my childhood life. What is the past is the past. Nonetheless, she knew that I went through a phase of mental depression and advised me to consult a psychologist if I think I am unable to handle my emotions. I do know that my family cares about me and therefore I expect nothing of them eversince I started my career and working towards my own goals. The only thing I hope from both my parents is that they do not worry about me. So, enough about family, back to myself.

  At 12 noon, I had cleaned my room, tidied my books, washed the air-conditioner filter, took out the trash and swept the floor. I received a call from a non-familiar number. So I answered the call with a question mark in my head. Finally, it is the call that I have been waiting for so long. My license has finally been approved by the Singapore Nursing Board and they want me to start work in November. I was like WTH, I was stunned and my mind went blank. After the brief call ended, I continued to arrange things in my room and went for a shower. I was surprised at my response which was chilled and calm.
  I am so tired to even think of anything due to the lack of sleep and carbohydrate. I have not been eating well these days. There is so much uncertainty and dilemmas in my mind, such as the future planning and the feeling of sadness of leaving my dear family, friends and home country. Till then, I will update after some of my queries are answered.